DEAD DOLL HUMILIT

                               b

                           KATHY ACKE

     Copyright [c] 1990 by Kathy Acker, all rights reserved
         _Postmodern Culture_ vol. 1, no. 1 [Sep. 1990]


     IN ANY SOCIETY BASED ON CLASS, HUMILIATION IS 

     POLITICAL REALITY.  HUMILIATION IS ONE METHOD BY WHIC

     POLITICAL POWER IS TRANSFORMED INTO SOCIAL OR PERSONA

     RELATIONSHIPS.  THE PERSONAL INTERIORIZATION OF TH

     PRACTICE OF HUMILIATION IS CALLED _HUMILITY_



     CAPITOL IS AN ARTIST WHO MAKES DOLLS.  MAKES, DAMAGES

     TRANSFORMS, SMASHES.  ONE OF HER DOLLS IS A WRITE

     DOLL.  THE WRITER DOLL ISN'T VERY LARGE AND IS AL

     HAIR, HORSE MANE HAIR, RAT FUR, DIRTY HUMAN HAIR

     PUSSY

          ONE NIGHT CAPITOL GAVE THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO T

     HER WRITER DOLL



     As a child in sixth grade in a North American school

     won first prize in a poetry contest

          In late teens and early twenties, entered New Yor

     City poetry world.  Prominent Black Mountain poets

     mainly male, taught or attempted to teach her that 

     writer becomes a writer when and only when he finds hi

     own voice



     CAPITOL DIDN'T MAKE ANY AVANT-GARDE POET DOLLS



     Since wanted to be a writer, tried hard to find her ow

     voice.  Couldn't.  But still loved to write.  Loved t

     play with language.  Language was material like clay o

     paint.  Loved to play with verbal material, build u

     slums and mansions, demolish banks and half-rotte

     buildings, even buildings which she herself ha

     constructed, into never-before-seen, even unseeabl

     jewels

          To her, every word wasn't only material in itself

     but also sent out like beacons, other words.  _Blue

     sent out _heaven_ and _The Virgin_.  Material is rich

     I didn't create language, writer thought.  Later sh

     would think about ownership and copyright.  I'

     constantly being given language.  Since this language

     world is rich and always changing, flowing, when 

     write, I enter a world which has complex relations an

     is, perhaps, illimitable.  This world both represent

     and is human history, public memories and privat

     memories turned public, the records and actualization

     of human intentions.  This world is more than life an

     death, for here life and death conjoin.  I can't mak

     language, but in this world, I can play and be played

          So where is 'my voice'

          Wanted to be a writer

          Since couldn't find 'her voice', decided she'

     first have to learn what a Black Mountain poet meant b

     'his voice'.  What did he do when he wrote

          A writer who had found his own voice presented 

     viewpoint.  Created meaning.  The writer took a certai

     amount of language, verbal material, forced tha

     language to stop radiating in multiple, eve

     unnumerable directions, to radiate in only on

     direction so there could be his meaning

          The writer's voice wasn't exactly this meaning

     The writer's voice was a process, how he had forced th

     language to obey him, his will.  The writer's voice i

     the voice of the writer-as-God

          Writer thought, Don't want to be God; have neve

     wanted to be God.  All these male poets want to be th

     top poet, as if, since they can't be a dictator in th

     political realm, can be dictator of this world

          Want to play.  Be left alone to play.  Want to b

     a sailor who journeys at every edge and even into th

     unknown.  See strange sights, see.  If I can't keep o

     seeing wonders, I'm in prison.  Claustrophobia's siste

     to my worst nightmare: lobotomy, the total loss o

     perceptual power, of seeing new.  If had to forc

     language to be uni-directional, I'd be helping my ow

     prison to be constructed

          There are enough prisons outside, outsid

     language

          Decided, no.  Decided that to find her own voic

     would be negotiating against her joy.  That's what th

     culture seemed to be trying to tell her to do

          Wanted only to write.  Was writing.  Would keep o

     writing without finding 'her own voice'.  To hell wit

     the Black Mountain poets even though they had taugh

     her a lot

          Decided that since what she wanted to do was jus

     to write, not to find her own voice, could and woul

     write by using anyone's voice, anyone's text, whateve

     materials she wanted to use

          Had a dream while waking that was running wit

     animals.  Wild horses, leopards, red fox, kangaroos

     mountain lions, wild dogs.  Running over rolling hills

     Was able to keep up with the animals and they accepte

     her

          Wildness was writing and writing was wildness

          Decision not to find this own voice but to use an

     be other, multiple, even innumerable, voices led to tw

     other decisions

          There were two kinds of writing in her culture

     good literature and schlock.  Novels which won literar

     prizes were good literature; science fiction and horro

     novels, pornography were schlock.  Good literatur

     concerned important issues, had a high moral content

     and, most important, was written according to well

     established rules of taste, elegance, and conservatism

     Schlock's content was sex horror violence and othe

     aspects of human existence abhorrent to all but th

     lowest of the low, the socially and morall

     unacceptable.  This trash was made as quickly a

     possible, either with no regard for the regulations o

     politeness or else with regard to the crudest, mos

     vulgar techniques possible.  Well-educated

     intelligent, and concerned people read good literature

     Perhaps because the masses were gaining politica

     therefore economic and social control, not only o

     literary production, good literature was read by a

     elite diminishing in size and cultural strength

          Decided to use or to write both good literatur

     and schlock.  To mix them up in terms of content an

     formally, offended everyone

          Writing in which all kinds of writing mingle

     seemed, not immoral, but amoral, even to the masses

     Played in every playground she found; no one can d

     that in a class or hierarchichal society

          [In literature classes in university, had learne

     that anyone can say or write anything about anything i

     he or she does so cleverly enough.  That cleverness

     one of the formal rules of good literature, can be 

     method of social and political manipulation.  Decide

     to use language stupidly.]  In order to use and b

     other voices as stupidly as possible, decided to cop

     down simply other texts

          Copy them down while, maybe, mashing them u

     because wasn't going to stop playing in any playground

     Because loved wildness

          Having fun with texts is having fun wit

     everything and everyone.  Since didn't have one poin

     of view or centralized perspective, was free to fin

     out how texts she used and was worked.  In thei

     contexts which were [parts of] culture

          Liked best of all mushing up texts

          Began constructing her first story by placin

     mashed-up texts by and about Henry Kissinger next t

     'True Romance' texts.  What was the true romance o

     America?  Changed these 'True Romance' texts only b

     heightening the sexual crudity of their style.  Int

     this mush, placed four pages out of Harold Robbins'

     one of her heroes', newest hottest bestsellers.  Ha

     first made Jacqueline Onassis the star of Robbins

     text

          Twenty years later, a feminist publishing hous

     republished the last third of the novel in which thi

     mash occurred



     CAPITOL MADE A FEMINIST PUBLISHER DOLL EVEN THOUGH

     BECAUSE SHE WASN'T STUPID, SHE KNEW THAT THE FEMINIS

     PUBLISHING HOUSE WAS ACTUALLY A LOT OF DOLLS.  TH

     FEMINIST PUBLISHER DOLL WAS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN A ST

     LAURENT DRESS.  CAPITOL, PERHAPS OUT OF PERVERSITY

     REFRAINED FROM USING HER USUAL CHEWED UP CHEWING GUM

     HALF-DRIED FLECKS OF NAIL POLISH, AND BITS OF HER OW

     BODY THAT HAD SOMEHOW FALLEN AWAY



     Republished the text containing the Harold Robbins

     mush next to a text she had written only seventee

     years ago.  In this second text, the only one had eve

     written without glopping up hacking into and rewritin

     other texts [appropriating], had tried to destro

     literature or what she as a writer was supposed t

     write by making characters and a story that were s

     stupid as to be almost non-existent.  Ostensibly, th

     second text was a porn book.  The pornography wa

     almost as stupid as the story.  The female characte

     had her own name

          Thought just after had finished writing this, her

     is a conventional novel.  Perhaps, here is 'my voice'

     Now I'll never again have to make up a bourgeois novel

          Didn't

          The feminist publisher informed her that thi

     second text was her most important because here she ha

     written a treatise on female sexuality

          Since didn't believe in arguing with people, wrot

     an introduction to both books in which stated that he

     only interest in writing was in copying down othe

     people's texts.  Didn't say liked messing them u

     because was trying to be polite.  Like the English

     Did say had no interest in sexuality or in any othe

     content



     CAPITOL MADE A DOLL WHO WAS A JOURNALIST.  CAPITO

     LOVED MAKING DOLLS WHO WERE JOURNALISTS.  SOMETIMES SH

     MADE THEM OUT OF THE NEWSPAPERS FOUND IN TRASHCANS O

     THE STREETS.  SHE KNEW THAT LOTS OF CATS INHABITE

     TRASH CANS.  THE PAPERS SAID RATS CARRY DISEASES.  SH

     MADE THIS JOURNALIST OUT OF THE FINGERNAILS SH

     OBTAINED BY HANGING AROUND THE TRASHCANS IN THE BAC

     LOTS OF LONDON HOSPITALS.  HAD PENETRATED THESE BAC

     LOTS WITH THE HOPE OF MEETING MEAN OLDER MEN BIKERS

     FOUND LOTS OF OTHER THINGS THERE.  SINCE, TO MAKE TH

     JOURNALIST, SHE MOLDED THE FINGERNAILS TOGETHER WIT

     SUPER GLUE AND, BEING A SLOB, LOTS OF OTHER THING

     STUCK TO THIS SUPER GLUE, THE JOURNALIST DIDN'T LOO

     ANYTHING LIKE A HUMAN BEING



     A journalist who worked on a trade publishing magazine

     so the story went, no one could remember whose story

     was informed by another woman in her office that ther

     was a resemblance between a section of the writer'

     book and Harold Robbins' work.  Most of the literati o

     the country in which the writer was currently livin

     were upper-middle class and detested the writer and he

     writing



     CAPITOL THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING A DOLL OF THIS COUNTRY

     BUT DECIDED NOT TO



     Journalist decided she had found a scoop.  Phoned u

     the feminist publisher to enquire about plagiarism

     perhaps feminist publisher said something wrong becaus

     then phoned up Harold Robbins' publisher

          "Surely all art is the result of one's having bee

     in danger, of having gone through an experience all th

     way to the end, where no one can go any further.  Th

     further one goes, the more private, the more personal

     the more singular an experience becomes, and the thin

     one is making is finally, the necessary, irrepressible

     and, as nearly as possible, definitive utterance o

     this singularity . . . Therein lies the enormous ai

     the work of art brings to the life of the one who mus

     make it . . 

          "So we are most definitely called upon to test an

     try ourselves against the utmost, but probably we ar

     also bound to keep silence regarding this utmost, t

     beware of sharing it, of parting with it i

     communication so long as we have not entered the wor

     of art: for the utmost represents nothing other tha

     that singularity in us which no one would or eve

     should understand, and which must enter into the wor

     as such . . . "  Rilke to Cezanne



     CAPITOL MADE A PUBLISHER LOOK LIKE SAM PECKINPAH

     THOUGH SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT SAM PECKINPAH LOOKED LIKE

     HAD LOOKED LIKE?  SHE TOOK A HOWDY DOODY DOLL AND A

     ALFRED E. NEUMAN DOLL AND MASHED THEM TOGETHER, THE

     MADE THIS CONGLOMERATE INTO AN AMERICAN OFFICER IN TH

     MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR.  ACTUALLY SEWED, SHE HATE

     SEWING, OR WHEN SHE BECAME TIRED OF SEWING, GLUE

     TOGETHER WITH HER OWN TWO HANDS, JUST AS THE EARL

     AMERICAN PATRIOT WIVES USED TO DO FOR THEIR PATRIO

     HUSBANDS, A FROGGED AND BRAIDED CAVALRY JACKET, STAINE

     WITH THE BLOOD FROM SOME FORMER OWNERS.  THEN FASHIONE

     A STOVEPIPE HAT OUT OF ONE SHE HAD STOLEN FROM A BUM I

     AN ECSTASY OF ART.  THE HAT WAS A BIT BIG.  FOR TH

     PUBLISHER.  INSIDE A GOLD HEART, THERE SHOULD BE 

     PICTURE OF A WOMAN.  SINCE CAPITOL DIDN'T HAVE 

     PICTURE OF A WOMAN, SHE PUT IN ONE OF HER MOTHER

     SINCE SAM PECKINPAH OR HER PUBLISHER HAD SEEN TRAGEDY

     AN ARROW HANGING OUT OF THE WHITE BREAST OF A SOLDIE

     NO OLDER THAN A CHILD, HORSES GONE MAD WALLEYED MOUTH

     FROTHING AMID DUST THICKER THAN THE SMOKE OF GUNS.  SH

     MADE HIS FACE FULL OF FOLDS, AN EYEPATCH OVER ONE EYE



     Harold Robbins' publisher phoned up the man who ran th

     company who owned the feminist publishing company

     From now on, known as 'The Boss'.  The Boss told Harol

     Robbins' publisher that they have a plagiarist in thei

     midst



     CAPITOL NO LONGER WANTED TO MAKE DOLLS.  IN THE UNITE

     STATES, UPON SEEING THE WORK OF THE PHOTOGRAPHER ROBER

     MAPPLETHORPE, SENATOR JESSE HELMS PROPOSED AN AMENDMEN

     TO THE FISCAL YEAR 1990 INTERIOR AND RELATED AGENCIE

     BILL FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROHIBITING "THE USE O

     APPROPRIATED FUNDS FOR THE DISSEMINATION, PROMOTION, O

     PRODUCTION OF OBSCENE OR INDECENT MATERIALS O

     MATERIALS DENIGRATING A PARTICULAR RELIGION."  THRE

     SPECIFIC CATEGORIES OF UNACCEPTABLE MATERIAL FOLLOWED

     "[1] OBSCENE OR INDECENT MATERIALS, INCLUDING BUT NO

     LIMITED TO DEPICTIONS OF SADOMASOCHISM [ALWAYS GET THA

     ONE IN FIRST], HOMO-EROTICISM, THE EXPLOITATION O

     CHILDREN, OR INDIVIDUALS ENGAGED IN SEX ACTS; OR [2

     MATERIAL WHICH DENIGRATES THE OBJECTS OR BELIEFS OF TH

     ADHERENTS OF A PARTICULAR RELIGION OR NON-RELIGION; O

     [3] MATERIAL WHICH DENIGRATES, DEBASES, OR REVILES 

     PERSON, GROUP, OR CLASS OF CITIZENS ON THE BASIS O

     RACE, CREED, SEX, HANDICAP, AGE, OR NATIONAL ORIGIN.

     IN HONOR OF JESSE HELMS, CAPITOL MADE, AS PILLOWS, 

     CROSS AND A VAGINA.  SO THE POOR COULD HAVE SOMEWHER

     TO SLEEP.  SINCE SHE NO LONGER HAD TO MAKE DOLLS O

     ART, BECAUSE ART IS DEAD IN THIS CULTURE, SHE SLOPPE

     THE PILLOWS TOGETHER WITH DEAD FLIES, WHITE FLOU

     MOISTENED BY THE BLOOD SHE DREW OUT OF HER SMALLES

     FINGER WITH A PIN, AND OTHER TYPES OF GARBAGE

     Disintegration

          Feminist publisher then informed writer that th

     Boss and Harold Robbins' publisher had decided, due t

     her plagiarism, to withdraw the book from publicatio

     and to have her sign an apology to Harold Robbins whic

     they had written.  This apology would then be publishe

     in two major publishing magazines

          Ordinarily impolite, told feminist publisher the

     could do what they wanted with their edition of he

     books but she wasn't going to apologize to anyone fo

     anything, much less for twenty years of work

          Didn't have to think to herself because ever

     square inch of her knew.  For freedom.  Writing must b

     for and must be freedom

          Feminist publisher replied that she knew write

     was actually a nice sweet girl

          Asked if should tell her agent or try talkin

     directly to Harold Robbins

          Feminist publisher replied she'd take care o

     everything.  Writer shouldn't contact Harold Robbin

     because that would make everything worse

          Would, the feminist publisher asked, the write

     please compose a statement for the Boss why the write

     used other texts when she wrote so that the Bos

     wouldn't believe that she was a plagiarist



     CAPITOL MADE A DOLL WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE HERSELF

     IF YOU PRESSED A BUTTON ON ONE OF THE DOLL'S CUNT LIP

     THE DOLL SAID, "I AM A GOOD GIRL AND DO EXACTLY AS I A

     TOLD TO DO.



     Wrote

          Nobody save buzzards.  Lots of buzzards here.  I

          the distance, lay flies and piles of shit.  Herd

          of animals move against the skyline like blac

          caravans in an unknown east.  Sheeps and goats

          Another place, a horse is lapping the water of 

          pool.  Lavendar and grey trees behind this blac

          water are leafless and spineless.  As the da

          ends, the sun in the east flushes out pal

          lavendars and pinks, then turns blood red as i

          turns on itself, becoming a more definitive shape

          the more definitive, the bloodier.  Until it sits

          totally unaware of the rest of the universe

          waiting at the edge of a sky that doesn't yet kno

          what colors it wants to be, a hawk waiting for th

          inevitable onset of human slaughter.  The light i

          fleeing

          Instead, sent a letter to feminist publisher i

     which said that she composed her texts out of 'real

     conversations, anything written down, other texts

     somewhat in the ways the Cubists had worked.  [No

     quite true.  But thought this statemen

     understandable.]  Cited, as example, her use of 'Tru

     Confessions' stories.  Such stories whose content seeme

     purely and narrowly sexual, composed simply fo

     purposes of sexual titillation and economic profit, i

     deconstructed, viewed in terms of context and genre

     became signs of political and social realities.  So i

     the writer or critic [deconstructionist] didn't wor

     with the actual language of these texts, the writer o

     critic wouldn't be able to uncover the political an

     social realities involved.  For instance, both genr

     and the habitual nature of perception hide the violenc

     of the content of many newspaper stories

          To uncover this violence is to run the risk o

     being accused of loving violence or all kinds o

     pornography.  [As if the writer gives a damn about wha

     anyone considers risks.

          Wrote, living art rather than dead art has som

     connection with passion.  Deconstructions of newspape

     stories become the living art in a culture that demand

     that any artistic representation of life be non-violen

     and non-sexual, misrepresent

          To copy down, to appropriate, to deconstruct othe

     texts is to break down those perceptual habits th

     culture doesn't want to be broken

          Deconstruction demands not so much plagiarism a

     breaking into the copyright law

          In the Harold Robbins' text which had used, a ric

     white woman walks into a disco, picks up a black boy

     has sex with him.  In the Robbins' text, this scene i

     soft-core porn, has as its purpose mild sexua

     titillation and pleasure

          [When Robbins' book had been published years ago

     the writer's mother had said that Robbins had use

     Jacqueline Onassis as the model for the rich whit

     woman.]  Wrote, had made apparent that bit of politic

     while amplifying the pulp quality of the style in orde

     to see what would happen when the underlyin

     presuppositions or meanings of Robbins' writing becam

     clear.  Robbins as emblematic of a certain part o

     American culture.  What happened was that the sterilit

     of that part of American culture revealed itself.  Th

     real pornography.  Cliches, especially sexual cliches

     are always signs of power or political relationships



     BECAUSE SHE HAD JUST GOTTEN HER PERIOD, CAPITOL MADE 

     HUGE RED SATIN PILLOW CROSS THEN SMEARED HER BLOOD AL

     OVER IT



     Her editor at the feminist publisher said that the Bos

     had found her explanation "literary."  Later would b

     informed that this was a legal, not a literary, matter



     "HERE IT ALL STINKS," CAPITOL THOUGHT.  "ART IS MAKIN

     ACCORDING TO THE IMAGINATION.  BUT HERE, BUYING AN

     SELLING ARE THE RULES; THE RULES OF COMMODITY HAV

     DESTROYED THE IMAGINATION.  HERE, THE ONLY ART ALLOWE

     IS MADE BY POST-CAPITALIST RULES; ART ISN'T MAD

     ACCORDING TO RULES."  ANGER MAKES YOU WANT TO SUICIDE



     Journalist who broke the 'Harold Robbins story' ha

     been phoning and leaving messages on writer's answerin

     machine for days.  Had stopped answering her phone.  B

     chance picked it up; journalist asked her if anythin

     to say

          "You mean about Harold Robbins?

          Silence

          "I've just given my publisher a statement

     Perhaps you could read that.

          "Do you have anything to add to it?"  As if sh

     was a criminal

          A few days later writer's agent over the phon

     informed writer what was happening was simply horrible



     CAPITOL DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE ANY DOLLS



     How could the writer be plagiarizing Harold Robbins

          Writer didn't know

          Agent told writer if writer had phoned he

     immediately, agent could have straightened ou

     everything because she was good friends with Harol

     Robbins' publisher.  But now it was too late

          Writer asked agent if she could do anything

          Agent answered that she'd phone Harold Robbins

     publisher and that the worst that could happen is tha

     she'd have to pay a nominal quotation rights fee

          So a few days later was surprised when feminis

     publisher informed her that if she didn't sign th

     apology to Harold Robbins which they had written fo

     her, feminist publishing company would go down a drai

     because Harold Robins or harold Robbins' publishe

     would slap a half-a-million [dollar? pound?] lawsuit o

     the feminist publishing house

          Decided she had to take notice of this stupi

     affair, though her whole life wanted to notice onl

     writing and sex



     "WHAT IS IT" CAPITOL WROTE, "TO BE AN ARTIST?  WHERE I

     THE VALUE THAT WILL KEEP THIS LIFE IN HELL GOING?



     For one of the first times in her life, was deepl

     scared.  Was usually as wild as they come.  Doin

     anything if it felt good.  So when succumbed to fear

     succumbed to reasonless, almost bottomless fear

          Panicked only because she might be forced t

     apologize, not to Harold Robbins, that didn't matter

     but to anyone for her writing, for what seemed to b

     her life.  Book had already been withdrawn from print

     Wasn't that enough?  Panicked, phoned her agent withou

     waiting for her agent to phone her

          Agent asked writer if she knew how she stoo

     legally

          Writer replied that as far as knew Harold Robbin

     had made no written charge.  Feminist publishe

     sometime in beginning had told her they had spoken to 

     solicitor who had said neither she nor they "had a le

     to stand on."  Since didn't know with what she wa

     being charged, she didn't know what that meant

          Agent replied, "Perhaps we should talk to 

     solicitor. Do you know a solicitor?

          Knew the name of a tax solicitor

          Since had no money, asked her American publishe

     what to do, if he knew a lawyer



     WOULD MAKE NO MORE DOLLS



     American publisher informed her couldn't ask anyone'

     advice until she knew the charges against her, saw the

     in writing

          Asked the feminist publisher to send the charge

     against her and whatever else was in writing to her

          Received two copies of the 'Harold Robbins' tex

     she had written twenty years ago, one copy of th

     apology she was supposed to sign, and a letter fro

     Harold Robbins' publisher to the head of the feminis

     publishing company.  Letter said they were not seekin

     damages beyond withdrawal of the book from publicatio

     [which had already taken place] and the apology

          Didn't know of what she was guilty

          Later would receive a copy of the letter sent t

     her feminist publisher from the solicitor whom th

     feminist publisher and then her agent had consulted

     Letter stated: According to the various documents an

     texts which the feminist publisher had supplied, th

     writer should apologize to Mr. Harold Robbins.  First

     because in her text she has used a substantial numbe

     of Mr. Robbins' words.  Second, because she did not us

     any texts other than Mr. Robbins' so there could be n

     literary theory or praxis responsible for he

     plagiarism.  Third, because the contract between th

     writer and the feminist publisher states that th

     writer had not infringed upon any existing copyright

          When the writer wrote, not wrote back, to th

     solicitor that most of the novel in question had bee

     appropriated from other texts, that most of these text

     had been in the public domain, that the writers o

     texts not in the public domain were either writers o

     'True Confessions' stories [anonymous] or writers wh

     knew she had reworked their texts and felt honored

     except for Mr. Robbins, that she had neve

     misrepresented nor hidden her usages of other texts

     her methods of composition, that there was already 

     body of literary criticism on her and others' method

     of appropriation, and furthermore [this was to becom

     the major point of contention], that she would no

     sign the apology because she could not since there wa

     no assurance that all possible litigation an

     harassment would end with the signature of guilt

     guilt which anyway she didn't feel: the solicitor di

     not reply

          Not knowing of what she was guilty, feelin

     isolated, and pressured to finish her new novel, write

     became paranoid.  Would do anything to stop th

     pressure from the feminist publisher and simultaneousl

     would never apologize for her work

          Considered her American publisher her father

     Told her that the 'Harold Robbins affair' was a joke

     she should take the phone off the hook, go to Paris fo

     a few days

          Finish your book.  That's what's important



     WOULD MAKE NO MORE DOLLS



     Paris is a beautiful city

          In Paris decided that it's stupid to live in fear

     Didn't yet know what to do about isolation.  All tha

     matters is work and work must be created in and can'

     be created in isolation.  [Remembered a conversatio

     she had had with her feminist publisher.  Still tryin

     to explain, writer said, in order to deconstruct, th

     deconstructionist needs to use the actual other texts

     Editor had said she understood.  For instance, she wa

     sure, Peter Carey in _Oscar and Lucinda_ had used othe

     people's writings in his dialogue, but he would neve

     admit it.  This writer did what every other writer did

     but she is the only one who admits it.  "It's not 

     matter of not being able to write," the writer replied

     It's a matter of a certain theory which is also 

     literary theory.  Theory and belief."  Then shut u

     because knew that when you have to explain and explain

     nothing is understood.  Language is dead.



     SINCE THERE WERE NO MORE DOLLS, CAPITOL STARTED WRITIN

     LANGUAGE



     Decided that it's stupid living in fear of being force

     to be guilty without knowing why you're guilty and

     more important, it's stupid caring about what ha

     nothing to do with art.  It doesn't really matte

     whether or not you sign the fucking apology

          Over the phone asked the American publishe

     whether or not it mattered to her past work whether o

     not signed the apology

          Answered that the sole matter was her work

          Thought alike

          Wanted to ensure that there was no more sloppines

     in her work or life, that from now on all her action

     served only her writing.  Upon returning to England

     consulted a friend who consulted a solicitor who wa

     his friend about her case.  This solicitor advised tha

     since she wasn't guilty of plagiarism and since the la

     was unclear, grey, about whether or not she ha

     breached Harold Robbins' copyright, it could be a lega

     precedent, he couldn't advise whether or not she shoul

     sign the apology.  But must not sign unless, upo

     signing, received full and final settlement

          Informed her agent that would sign if and only i

     received full and final settlement upon signing

          Over the phone, feminist publisher asked her wh

     had told her about full and final settlement

               A literary solicitor

          Could they, the feminist publishing house, hav

     his name and his statement in writing

          "This is my decision," writer said.  "That's al

     you need to know.



     WROTE DOWN "PRAY FOR US THE DEAD," THE FIRST LINE I

     THE FIRST POEM BY CHARLES OLSON SHE HAD EVER READ WHE

     SHE WAS A TEENAGER.  ALL THE DOLLS WERE DEAD.  DEA

     HAIR.  WHEN SHE LOOKED UP THIS POEM, ITS FIRST LIN

     WAS, "WHAT DOES NOT CHANGE/ IS THE WILL TO CHANGE.

          WENT TO A NEARBY CEMETERY AND WITH STICK DOWN I

     SAND WROTE THE WORDS "PRAY FOR US THE DEAD."  THOUGHT

     WHO IS DEAD?  THE DEAD TREES?  WHO IS DEAD?  WE LIVE I

     SERVICE OF THE SPIRIT.  MADE MASS WITH TREES DEAD AN

     DIRT AND UNDERNEATH HUMANS AS DEAD OR LIVING AS AN

     STONE OR WOOD

     I WON'T BURY MY DEAD DOLLS, THOUGHT.  I'LL STEP ON THE

     AND MASH THEM UP



     For two weeks didn't hear from either her agent o

     feminist publisher.  Could return to finishing he

     novel

          Thought that threats had died

          In two weeks received a letter from her agen

     which read something like

          On your express instructions that your publishe

     communicate to you through me, your publisher ha

     informed me that they have communicated to Harol

     Robbins your decision that you will sign the apolog

     which his publisher drew up only if you have hi

     assurance that there will be no further harassment o

     litigation.  Because you have requested such assurance

     predictably, Harold Robbins is now requiring damages t

     be paid

          Your publisher now intends to sign and publish th

     apology to Harold Robbins as soon as possible whethe

     or not you sign it

          In view of what I have discovered about the natur

     of your various telephone communications to me, pleas

     contact me only in writing from now on

          Signature

          Understood that she had lost.  Lost more than 

     struggle about the appropriation of four pages, abou

     the definition of _appropriation_.  Lost her belie

     that there can be art in this culture.  Lost spirit

     All humans have to die, but they don't have to fail

     Fail in all that matters

          It turned out that the whole affair was nothing



     CAPITOL REALIZED THAT SHE HAD FORGOTTEN TO BURY TH

     WRITER DOLL.  SINCE THE SMELL OF DEATH STUNK, RETURNE

     TO THE CEMETERY TO BURY HER.  SHE KICKED OVER A ROC

     AND THREW THE DOLL INTO THE HOLE WHICH THE ROCK HA

     MADE.  CHANTED, "YOU'RE NOT SELLING ENOUGH BOOKS I

     CALIFORNIA.  YOU'D BETTER GO THERE IMMEDIATELY.  TRY T

     GET INTO READING IN ANY BENEFIT YOU CAN SO FIVE MOR

     BOOKS WILL BE SOLD.  YOU HAVE BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES.

          CAPITOL THOUGHT, DEAD DOLL

          SINCE CAPITOL WAS A ROMANTIC, SHE BELIEVED DEAT

     IS PREFERABLE TO A DEAD LIFE, A LIFE NOT LIVE

     ACCORDING TO THE DICTATES OF THE SPIRIT

          SINCE SHE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD POWER IN THE DOLL

     HUMAN RELATIONSHIP, HER DOLLS WERE ROMANTICS TOO
 
 
 
     Toward the end of paranoia, had told her story to a
 
     friend who was secretary to a famous writer.
 
          Informed her that famous writer's first lawyer
 
     used to work with Harold Robbins' present lawyer.
 
     First lawyer was friends with her American publisher.
 
          Her American publisher asked the lawyer who was
 
     his friend to speak privately to Harold Robbins'

     lawyer.
 
          Later the lawyer told the American publisher tha
 
     Harold Robbins' lawyer advised to let the matter die
 
     quietly.  This lawyer himself advised that under no
 
     circumstances should the writer sign anything.
 
          It turned out that the whole affair was nothing.
 
          Despite these lawyer's advice, Harold Robbins'
 
     publisher and the feminist publisher kept pressing the
 
     writer to sign the apology and eventually, as
 
     everything becomes nothing, she had to.
 
          Knew that none of the above has anything to do
 
     with what matters, writing.  Except for the failure of
 
     the spirit.
 
     THEY'RE ALL DEAD, CAPITOL THOUGHT.  THEIR DOLLS' FLESH 
     IS NOW BECOMING PART OF THE DIRT.
 
          CAPITOL THOUGHT, IS MATTER MOVING THROUGH FORMS
 
     DEAD OR ALIVE?
 
          CAPITOL THOUGHT, THEY CAN'T KILL THE SPIRIT.